Be Aware, For Here There Be Clowns

There are a million good reasons not to text while driving, including, but not limited to, its illegality in many states. When you put the phone down, it helps regular pedestrians like me not get T-boned in the crosswalk. But my new favorite reason for keeping your attention on the road has to do with something that happened this weekend. Happily, this something was not an accident. Unhappily, it involved a clown.

There is not one single person in my life (on purpose? Probably.) who likes clowns, but the internet is a big place, and I’m sure that someone who might stumble across this has an appreciation for liberally applied face paint, gnarly wigs, and slapstick hijinks. So I’m sorry if you find this offensive, and I’m even more sorry if you’re the person we saw on Saturday. If you are the person we saw on Saturday, don’t you think it would be more appropriate for you to drive a yellow VW bug? With black-eyed susans in the dashboard vase? And 37 other clowns and a teeny dog in a bespoke tuxedo in the back seat? That’s what you clowns do, right?

My friend with the cool sunglasses, as you see, is not driving and texting. He’s driving and being amused. This would not be possible if he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings while navigating the wild and wooly territory that is 93 South. When you relax your texting fingers and pay attention, you see clowns driving in your vicinity. Then you let your shotgun passenger safely take a picture of them.

To her credit, this clown is much more attractive than most. She has a nice smile, and is probably on her way to a 5-year-old’s birthday party, where she will creep out 98% of the attendees who will then compensate for their fear by eating way too much of this kind of cake and driving the supervising parents bonkers. Kind of wish I was invited. I bet there was a moonbounce shaped like a castle.